


Circadian

by maleficaura



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Childhood Friends, Growing Up, M/M, Pining, sort of slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 20:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14244888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleficaura/pseuds/maleficaura
Summary: Takumi was an enigma for always being there, even when Leo hadn't expected him to be.





	Circadian

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Took a break from the multichap to get this done bc the idea had been in my head for ages so I felt compelled to get it down. Anyway, I hope this lengthy oneshot makes up for my absence and that you all enjoy it haha

Their new neighbours arrived under the mercy of the sun, whose rays painted the world a frivolous coat of blinding gold. The summertime made Leo feel sticky; he didn't care for it. Just as he didn't care for the new company, especially the young boy with the strange silver hair that stuck out succinctly at all ends. Everything was embellished in a myriad of saturated colour. The pristine white of their shirts, the unadulterated aquamarine of the heavens -- they were all too much to bear in Leo's eyes. From his position atop Xander’s shoulders, he begrudgingly watched Father exchange pleasantries with the new locals, speaking in faux practiced smiles that had lost all integrity with their mother’s life. 

There were five others besides the young boy who incessantly sent dubious looks in Leo's direction. Mikoto, the family’s mother through adoption, carried Sakura who shrank demurely into the juncture between her shoulder and neck. A boy named Corrin stood next to her with a grin the size of an eagle’s wingspan. Hinoka was next -- a girl with flaming hair and strong healthy arms, put into use helping Ryoma and a pair of drivers with the cumbersome task of unloading boxes from a humble moving van. From where Leo was in Xander’s grasp, he was able to pick up the faint yet still fervent odours of cardboard and leather.

“They have a boy who's of similar age to you. Why don't you say hello?” Xander suggested. Leo felt his brother chuckle with the gentle rippling of shoulders beneath his legs. He looked to the boy in question; his hair was barely beyond ear length back then, he had lots of scrapes and dirt on his knees, and his name was Takumi. 

“Come on, it's a chance for you to finally make a friend.” 

“No,” Leo grumbled, burying his face into Xander’s swirling locks. Takumi was a strange boy -- rough around the edges too. Looking at him felt overwhelming. And Leo never dealt soundly with people of his own age. 

From below, he heard the mutterings of, “well I didn't want to be friends with you either.” 

They glared and made faces continuously, with Leo only relenting under the acute gaze of his father. He cowered behind Xander once more. His grip on his brother finally lessened when they parted with the new neighbours at last. Xander carried Leo back home -- Father was up ahead -- and Camilla was at the rear trying to lull Elise back to sleep in her arms. 

Returning to his bedroom, Leo spied Takumi through the window, rearranging boxes, books, toys and clothing with his older brother Ryoma. The sight made him feel sour, so he closed the embroidered curtains with a deep frown before sulking over a book in bed. 

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

_ Wednesday 5 August 2003, _

_ Xander keeps telling me to be friends with the new boy. I don't want to. _

___ _ __ \- Leo _ _

 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

“Hi, I'm Takumi.” 

Leo dropped both his jaw and crayons at the sight of his self-proclaimed nemesis on the first day of school. He then promptly reoccupied himself with trying to accurately represent his family through lines and stick figures scrawled with childlike essence. Takumi approached his desk, despite being  _ evidently _ unwelcome, folded his arms and cocked an eyebrow. With his presence, Leo’s movements only became tenser and more vehement. A testament to how the company was irrevocably unwelcome. 

Leo gave a challenging stare and hissed, “ _ What _ .” 

Minutes later, they landed themselves in the loudest shouting match a six-year-old could hope to achieve, and consequently, a lunchtime suspension. The walk home was a dry chain of lectures from both Xander and Ryoma, with Leo rolling his eyes as he straightened his red backpack. 

“He started it!”

“Well  _ he  _ was being mean,” the blonde snarled back, then returned to his previous occupation: appreciating the gratifying crunch of withered autumn leaves beneath his feet. For the rest of their journey, the stubborn crinkles in his brow remained, though they finally planed once he arrived at home. Camilla came to greet them, still donning her uniform. She wore her hair in a high ponytail. Waves of amethyst fell behind her, bold and carefree like cascading Elysian falls, relishing in the souls that marvelled at its grace.

Leo immediately showed his siblings the drawing from school. His sister scooped him into her arms, glowing and warm as Xander placed it on the refrigerator for the world to see. 

Father mercilessly tore it down when he came home later that evening.

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

_ Monday 8 September 2003, _

_ I don't like Takumi. He distracted me and made me do a rubbish picture. Father didn't like it.  _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

Leo left the window open despite the air growing more chilled by the minute. Under no circumstances was he to leave his bedroom; it was his father’s decision. He cradled his knees close for warmth and company, but his grip was fierce. Leo wasn't bothered by how his fingernails left such lucid impressions in his flesh nor the shivering of his skin with its elusive golden fibres standing on end. He thought only of Father. Intoxicated by anger, the man had lacerated Leo's treasured belongings before his tearful eyes, including the boy’s most prized possession -- his journal. When Leo cried, his father’s fury manifested itself in swooping strides and a voice so booming that it made the windows quake from within their frames. He learnt to never cry again.

Leo's father was man in his late thirties, yet he still carried himself like a rotting corpse; living for the sake of surviving, working for the sake of earning. He'd been that way since their mother passed giving birth to Elise. For that reason, Xander and Camilla had made every effort to keep their baby sister and father apart. 

And when he wasn't called Father, he was called Garon. It wasn't easy on the tongue -- a hard name for a hard man. He had many turmoiled depressions in his skin and never spoke often. If he beckoned to anyone, low and vacant, they lay themselves inside the guillotine bracing for the worst, but no one dared not answer to him. 

Leo couldn't forget Father’s concluding words before he was sent to his room. He couldn't forget the unreadable expression that Takumi gave him from the opposing window, debating whether to speak or not. 

“What do you want?” Leo snapped at him, still sitting on his own bed. Takumi had propped himself up against the windowsill on the other side, feigning disinterest.

“You look sad,” he responded, distant. “But you're not crying.”

“I can't cry. Father told me that only weak people did that.” 

“That's weird. My parents used to say that crying made you stronger.” Takumi moved, crawling through his window and onto the low rooftops that acted as an opportune annex between the two houses. Leo was too bewitched by his own stupor to question the other boy hobbling over, even when Takumi’s feet screeched against the slate as he tried to climb into his bedroom. All the blonde could do, was look at him with perplexity and slight concern; was it even  _ safe  _ to do that? 

“Hey,” Takumi began, and sat beside him. “Do you think if I cry a lot I'll get big muscles?” 

“What?”

“You know -- like if crying lots made you strong then --” 

“Oh I get it -- no that's stupid,” Leo cut through with an amused scoff, realising where the original enquiry had been derived from.

“You don't have to be so rude about it. I was only  _ joking _ ,” huffed Takumi, with his cheeks intentionally swollen like a flaming hot-air balloon. “I was trying to cheer you up.”

“Why?”

“It's called being nice. You should try it sometime.”

“You're  _ never  _ nice to me,” came Leo’s puzzled response. He didn't expect Takumi to look so slighted at his comment. The boy’s fists clenched into the cerulean fabric of his shorts, though not tightly enough to inhibit the blood supply to his knuckles.

“Oh yeah?” Standing, Takumi headed for the window. “Well you're not nice to me either!” Leo couldn't deny the guilt that settled when he left, and began to worry at his bottom lip, unsure of what to do next. He looked to the window, noticed the curtains were still billowing enchantedly in the breeze and on impulse, found himself climbing through to follow. And despite his mind reasoning that no, this was in fact his most foolhardy and ill-considered idea yet, he was still driven by his legs acting on a whim. 

Just as Leo had reached Takumi’s side of the rooftop, his feet gave way, sending him falling onto the slate with a jarring screech. Naturally, Takumi heard and came over, much to Leo’s chagrin. The half-entertained half-nonplussed look about him did not help alleviate his pain.

“What do  _ you  _ want?” In jest, Takumi echoed the blonde’s words from before, adding salt to a very real wound. But there was still an ounce of sympathy spared for Leo, which he was grateful for when Takumi offered to help him clamber inside with an outstretched hand. His fingers still had yet to adopt a certain rugged and calloused flair that Leo would eventually grow to know better than himself, but nonetheless, they still felt secure around his own. 

“Oh -- you have blood -- I'll get my plasters.” Looking down at his knees, he realised that Takumi was in fact very correct. He was bleeding. There were two grazes: one for each knee. One was bigger and more gaping than the other, and Leo only felt the sear of a gushing red river when he saw it. Thankfully, Takumi was swift in retrieving his concerningly thorough supply of plasters and opening the small packet for Leo to see. 

“Why do you have so many?” 

“I climb trees a lot. And I fall off them a lot. Which plaster do you want? I have stars, cars and cats -- oh no I finished all the cat ones. Stars or cars?” 

“I want a cat,” Leo demanded, ever stubborn even in his childhood.

Takumi frowned at him. “I just told you that I have  _ no cats _ . You can have a car because you're silly.” But regardless of his supposed indignance, Leo was content in allowing himself to be fussed over. 

For the very first time, he'd experienced kindness not belonging to his family. A kindness not born of obligation, but of genuine unadulterated concern. 

Leo wondered if he could return that kindness somehow. 

When school was over the next day, Camilla came to greet him as usual, but with a slight gleam embedded in her countenance. She bent down to Leo's level and brought forth a paper bag snugly clasped in her hands. 

“I got you a little something coming home.” 

“What is it?”

“Why don't you look and see?” Taking the bag with a halting grip, Leo peered inside like he was searching the humble depths of the ocean for treasure. Camilla exulted in his rapture when he found it -- a brand new journal. 

“Thank you big sister.” And though Leo’s expression seemed neutral, he was still aglow with joy, carving itself in his deep brown eyes. Once abyssal and indifferent, they turned to the night skies strung above remote lands, where nothing obscured their radiance. 

His first instinct returning to his room was to beckon Takumi over. A timid knock on the window was not enough to capture the boy’s attention, so Leo (carefully) clambered across the roof until finally reaching his side. Takumi then noticed him at last, and with a grunt, pulled his own window open.

“Hey, you didn't fall over this time,” he remarked, entertained and impressed. “Why did you come all the way here?” 

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

_ Friday 3 October 2003, _

_ I tried riding my bike without stabilisers today! Hinoka told me that's what grownups do. _

__    - Takumi _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- -- _

 

_ Friday 3 October 2003, _

 

_ Xander told me that  _ real  _ grownups don't try to act like grownups.  _

_ We had fun I think. Takumi let me try his bike but I nearly fell off even with the stabilisers on. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- -- _

 

Discarding their differences prompted a growth of closeness that could only be described as exponential. It didn't take long for the bud of wariness between them to bloom into friendship and soon, they were sauntering over the roof ritually, habitually, instinctually. They always woke each other in the morning and shared wishes of a good night. Sometimes, while Xander or Camilla read him stories before bed, Leo caught Takumi shooting silly faces at him in the distance, and would have to suppress the undignified snort that always welled up from some uncharted chasm within. 

Their secret impromptu meetings were at the epitome of exhilaration. No one knew of how often they visited one another. Even when Mikoto or one of Takumi’s siblings decided to intrude, Takumi would wrap Leo in his bedsheets like some cocooned caterpillar and act like nothing was ever amiss.

“Why can't we tell anyone?”

“They might try to stop us from seeing each other. I know my father would,” Leo whispered from under the duvet.

He couldn't bare to depict what Father would do if he was aware of this convenient development between them. Takumi was his solace whenever the man’s temper reached its cursed, inevitable end. His company served as an apt distraction -- a relief -- with the growing turmoils that Leo and his family were beginning to face.  

Months passed, then years. By the age of nine, Leo easily denied Takumi being anything less than his best friend. They traded snacks at school, secrets at home, stories at sleepovers that kept them awake until midnight -- where Corrin would complain about the noise and earn them the same lecture  _ every  _ time. Leo was certain that he'd memorised the initial lines of ‘I know you're having fun but you need to get to sleep’ that Ryoma would sternly but quietly utter, better than the streamlined river of creases in his palm. 

Their habits were regimented only until Sakura had become old enough to move into Takumi’s room. Elise still remained with Camilla like she used to, but Leo knew that if he was so much as spied sneaking over once, their younger sisters would demand the same privilege. He still went, but more cautiously as if he were treading on brittle eggshells. Hiding inside wardrobes and under beds or blankets was beginning to become a frequent manner of theirs more than ever before. 

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

_ Thursday 14 December 2006, _

_ It’s my birthday today! I've been reminding Leo that he has to wait for ages to turn ten like me. Since I'm older, I'm actually in charge of him but he refuses to accept that.  _

_ Ryoma and Hinoka are building a treehouse to celebrate. Well...it's also supposed to be a sort-of Christmas present for me and Sakura so it's not really mine and I have to wait to use it. _

__    - Takumi _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- --  _

 

_ Thursday 14 December 2006, _

_ First of all, your mental age is leagues behind mine so shut up.  _

_ Takumi and I are going to use the treehouse as a new rendezvous point (I learnt that from a book I'm reading), which should be fun. I used some of my allowance to buy paints to help decorate it as a birthday gift for him. Actually, I should go and give that to him now. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- -- _

 

“And we're done!” Hinoka finalised, applying a concluding swathe of paint and rubbing sweat from her forehead despite the biting cold. Takumi kept exhaling devoutly so as to marvel at his dragon’s breath while Leo rubbed his hands together for warmth beside him. He'd occupied himself thoroughly regretting not bringing gloves over the course of the last hour.

“Are your hands still cold?” 

“Yeah.”

“Here. I'll warm them with mine.”

“A-ah okay,” Leo flustered when Takumi brought their hands together. It certainly did help fend off the cold. More than he'd anticipated in fact. And letting go, he still felt a creeping sensation envelop his fingertips, lingering even when they had finally arrived inside.

They spent that evening (and many others) with hot chocolate, a woollen blanket and a book. Leo was elated to hear from Xander that they'd be spending Christmas next door, and broke the news to his best friend without even an inch of hesitation. Takumi had beamed when he'd told him, mentioning that his cousin Azura would be visiting that day, and how he'd wished for them to meet eventually. 

“We can also go to the new treehouse!”

“Won't it be cold?”

“It's fine -- we can huddle for warmth like those penguins we saw on TV.” Leo's stomach churned at the thought, though not in a way that was disconcerting or alarming despite being a sensation quite foreign to him. 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

_ Monday 25 December 2006, _

_ Merry Christmas. Takumi and I exchanged gifts in the treehouse. He got me a new jumper with a cat on it. _

_ Also Takumi wore my present all day. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- --  _

 

_ Monday 25 December 2006, _

_ Merry Christmas! Leo got me a new scarf. It's blue and triangle-shaped like the ones that cowboys wear. _

_ And hey that’s rich coming from you, who also wore  _ my _ present all day. Leo’s been staring at it whenever he looks in the mirror (I think it's because of the cat). _

__    - Takumi _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- -- _

 

On the eve of the new year three years ahead, the snow was deep enough to hug their shins. Leo was going to be spending the day (and night) with Takumi. Father’s rage had begun to flare tenfold as he drank with more fervency than before, so Xander had deemed it too risky for him and Elise to remain home at this time.

Admittedly, Leo's older siblings had lost some of their jubilance as they matured. Xander started to develop this worrisome indent between his brows, and he gave less and less of his fond half-smiles. Camilla paid little attention to Leo, too caught up in trying to shield Elise from their father and his growing anger. She stopped tying her hair as well -- although that wasn't necessarily bad -- just a change. Camilla claimed that it was because Hinoka had complimented her about it one time. 

Leo saw change in himself and Takumi as they moved schools, attending lessons in the same vicinity but seeing little of each other as their classes differed. One year and a term in however, they were still relatively close, and Leo's growing concerns of them drifting apart were diminished as Takumi laughed at his inability to adorn a winter coat. 

“What...what's so funny?” 

“You're putting your jacket on upside-down.” 

Leo fumbled with his coat for a bit. “Is that better?” 

“Now it's inside-out. Here -- I'll do it for you.” It seemed that Takumi was equally as inept as him when it came to the menial task of putting on a jacket; he spent more time guffawing with his forehead pressed to the back of Leo's neck than actually helping. Feeling the fluttering breaths of his best friend against his nape certainly did not calm the already incited butterflies in his stomach. 

“ _ Gods,  _ what now?”

“You're such a giant oaf do you know that? By now you'd think someone with intelligence like yours could dress themselves.” 

“Says the one who's doing a lousy job of giving me a hand.” 

Takumi finally raised his head and properly helped Leo wear his coat, still snickering to himself while maintaining that mirthful and ever audacious Cheshire-cat grin of his. 

_ You have a nice laugh _ , the blonde thought to himself in retrospect as they moved outside. At least, that was what he believed. He didn't think he'd be wrong.

“W-what really? I -- uh, thanks I guess.” 

Leo, a boy who prided himself on the principle of ‘thinking before you speak’, certainly did not foresee that in his adrenaline-induced stupor, he would blurt such brazen words out of the blue. He nearly regretted himself, until he noticed Takumi sporting a slight yet tender upturn of lips beside him. To lose such warming company would be undoubtedly painful. Leo indulged that sentiment secretly at the rear of his mind, while his focus was entirely honed on trying to stuff snow down Takumi's shirt.

They were together through the night, counting down the final seconds with Elise and Sakura, who were on the cusp of rest as their eyelids started to slowly hover shut. But they grew wider and wider awake with each bated count like reaching zero would reward them with a future of swelling light. Even Azura was surprisingly vocal at this time, despite Leo being accustomed to her usually standoffish cast. 

At the inevitable strike of midnight, Hinoka caught Takumi and Leo in a fierce headlock as she cheered. Ryoma gave a restrained grin -- as did Azura. Corrin laughed when Elise and Sakura fell asleep just a minute later.

“Here's to a great new year!” 

“Big sister…I can't breathe…”

“Could someone help me put the girls to bed?”

“Hey not yet! There's still cake, right mother?”

“Hinoka, please let the boys go.” 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

_ Thursday 1 January 2009, _

_ We’ll still remain friends this year, right? _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- --  _

 

_ Thursday 1 January 2009, _

_ Of course. What's gotten into you all of a sudden? _

__    - Takumi _ _

 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

Not even their written promise could deter them from drifting apart. Takumi grew closer to his new friends, as Leo did to his. And though part of him had feared this inevitability from the start, it was still hard to accept.

When Takumi was absent, Leo spent time in the company of Niles and Odin. Niles was a boy of a demeanour surprisingly sequatious for his age, but he was also sharp, perceptive and keen. Leo respected how his insight and input were cutthroat and honest, but also wise as if he lived what he spoke. Odin on the other hand never talked with precision; he had a poetic way of playing with words, and prided himself on it. And though he was loathe to admit it aloud, Leo thought that Odin’s flamboyant speeches were fairly cool. 

He only shared his P.E. class with Takumi.

“Pair up with me?” 

“You don't want to go with Oboro or Hinata? They seem much better at this than I am,” Leo responded wryly.

“Yeah, but you're more entertaining to watch. And I don't see you that much too.”

“I don't know what's so amusing about miserably failing to catch a ball but go on.”

“Everything,” Takumi laughed. “Now catch.” 

Rather than paying attention to not embarrassing himself, Leo centred his mind entirely on his friend’s enamouring disposition. Today, the light really complimented his eyes, turning deep amber to flowing rivers of gold. 

Takumi was still bright as ever. Time could not take that from him. He was impassioned and burning with emotion -- always expressive, never removing his heart from his sleeve. He shined when he smiled, burned as he cried, and flared when he shouted. He was never afraid to take the truth in his stride even if it brought him pain. 

Archery club was supposedly cancelled that day, meaning that Takumi was at odds with what to do after school.

“We can walk home together if you want.” Leo looked to Niles and Odin whom he'd made plans with for the evening, and then remorsefully back to his best friend. 

“I'm sorry, but I'll be at Odin’s overnight.” He was overcome with an ache of regret when Takumi seemed momentarily stricken before revisiting an impartial expression. 

“I'll see you tomorrow then.” And then he was gone nearly as fast as he came. Niles looked at Leo surprised, mouth agape.

“You two are  _ friends _ ?”

Leo furrowed his brow. “Yeah, we’ve been neighbours for years. Why?” 

“The ever reclusive Leo and popular Takumi,” Niles began dramatically with a hand to his chin. “It has a nice ring to it; the perfect foundation for a classic school romance.” 

Since when was Takumi  _ popular _ ?

“A match made in the heavens one could say,” Odin spoke with both his mouth and hands. “It seems that the whims of fate have brought you --”

“Hold on,” interjected Leo, with heat rising to his cheeks like a newborn flame. “We've been friends a very long time. I'm sure that if there was  _ something _ then I would know by now.” 

Niles gave a suspecting hum as he drank through his straw. “Sure, don't worry yourself too much, I believe you.” 

Spending the night at Odin's house was undeniably surreal. The decor was mostly simple with the living room leading openly to the kitchen, all washed in warm green. It differed from what Leo was used to from the many times he visited Takumi's home, which was adorned in elongated wall scrolls and paintings and the scent of chrysanthemums that Mikoto liked to grow in her back garden. 

Odin’s room was strikingly ornate in design contrasted to the rest of his house. Three of the walls were painted a low plum colour, while the one hugging his bed was lined with wallpaper covered in engravings of golden characters resembling runes. The shelves held toppling books and boardgames that Leo had never seen nor heard of. He was only accustomed to playing Snakes and Ladders with Elise during times of boredom, so games with mages and orcs involved were certainly new to him. 

“Wanna play one?”

Leo smiled. “If that's okay, I’d be glad to.” He chuckled as Niles groaned into his palm from behind.

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

_ Tuesday 5 May 2009, _

_ I spent the better half of my day being reprimanded by Oboro for injuring myself during athletics...and the worse half trying to help Hinata revise for his history test. _

__    - Takumi _ _

 

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

Takumi didn't write in the journal again after that. 

Leo and him had barely talked or spent enough time around each other for them to say anything of merit either. It was only natural that their lives had taken different paths, but that didn’t help alleviate the tension growing between them. 

Takumi was smart. Strong with a talent of drawing people to him like moths to a flame. By this point, Leo felt that he was just another intoxicated individual among many -- an afterthought. Reminding himself of that fact only heightened the selfish and bitter miasma around him. He hated the feeling and buried it deep when he could. 

“Hey,” Takumi approached him at his window one evening. “Can we talk?” 

Their conversation was clipped, awkward. But as it progressed, the sinking feeling within Leo only worsened and showed no signs of relenting in the slightest. He chewed on his lip, too turmoiled to restrain himself. 

Something within him snapped when Takumi spoke again. “It'd be a stretch to even call us friends at this point --”

“You think I don't know that?” Leo interjected, turning sharp. “Why would you come over to gloat about it when I've already come to terms with --”

“ _ What? _ ” The piercing gaze and intense tone of his former friend was enough to make him flinch. “I came here hoping to make amends, but if you're happy with the way things are then I'll leave.” 

Leo stood, fists wrapped tight, turning white. “This all started with you running off with your new friends all the time. Don't   accuse  _ me _ of being happy about it.” 

Takumi levelled with him. “It's not like you didn't get a shiny new set of friends either. And  _ you're  _ the one who said you’d come to terms with everything!” 

“At least they pay attention to me, unlike a certain someone in this room.” Takumi's shuttered expression was by no means pleasant to witness, but Leo refused to back down. “Also I’ll have you know that there's a difference between coming to to terms and and being --”

“Stop -- shut up.”

“Excuse me?” 

“I said  _ shut up _ for fuck’s sake,” Takumi hissed distinctly, voice trembling. “I'll just...take my leave now.” He took a step back, and then another, and another, until he was at the windowsill again. Leo didn't stop him from leaving, for he felt that he had no right to do so. Instead he hoped the kind breeze would dry the tears streaming down Takumi’s face. 

It didn't take long to retract that feeling. Pride was dangerous, and Leo had bitten off more than he could chew. Pride was what poisoned him with anger and self-righteousness, and prevented him from apologising. 

Leo's pride had ruined their friendship. 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

_ Friday 29 May 2009, _

_ I'll be fine without him. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- -- _

 

Leo hated puberty. He hated his voice going up and down --  _ absolutely despised _ the way Elise kept making fun of him for it. And he hated the awkward conversations with Xander and Camilla that they insisted he participate in. But above all, he couldn't stomach the way his gaze fixated on Takumi in the changing rooms before P.E, or how his heart bellowed with shame when he was caught. Leo still remained abrasive when he approached him, but times like these had him involuntary drop his guard and toss aside his dignity. Eventually he just settled with changing in the showers instead. 

He thought that after two years Takumi would finally be obsolete to him, yet his presence only became more apparent with time, defying all reason. If anyone dared score above Leo in an exam, it was Takumi. Takumi was always the one he bumped into in the halls or library when any sense of coherence was hindered by fatigue or distraction. Leo wondered if he was some omnipresent figure brought to torment him, and as a reminder of his previous shortcomings that had lead to this whole ordeal in the first place. But the more Leo resisted the yearning sensation he felt when their gazes crossed, or tried to ignore the way his nerves shivered when he glanced at Takumi smiling at his friends over the lunch table, the more enraptured he became. 

Perhaps, in an ideal world he wouldn’t have denied this sentiment, if it the fact that it wasn’t mutual hadn’t been so debilitating. But it was. Leo knew when his chest crumbled under Takumi’s unrelenting stare as they crossed paths. It was fitting that they met at odds with each other, and would eventually part where they started -- a perfect circle.

“Sounds like you have a lack of closure,” Niles had remarked one time, to which Leo responded with a disbelieving scowl. They were sat in the local cafe making idle talk and fitting patently into their surroundings. It was old, embellished in garish pinks and reds and vintage chalkboard menus. With age, the area had inherited a raffishness that was underlined by its familiarity and conduct, drawing anyone within a two-mile radius simply by habit. 

Leo had to restrain himself from pulling the fraying tablecloth lest it diminish into a feeble pile of fine ruby threads. The day was clear, sickeningly hot as the sun bore down unyielding. Everyone had dressed themselves in t-shirts, cropped trousers and light shoes. Leo himself had been wearing a sunhat and peach sleeveless top. 

“That’s preposterous. He acts so insufferably towards me. It's easy tell where he and I stand; I don't need closure for that.” He hadn't intended to speak so wistfully, and wished that his words came out with enough apathy to stop Niles from suspecting him. However, the look on his friend’s face was a sufficient indicator of his exposure. 

“But you miss him, right?” Niles didn't kid this time. He was empathetic in demeanour, knowing the boundaries that had to be protected. 

It was enough to crumble Leo's resolve and have him admit something he'd incessantly dismissed over the last two years. “Yes, and I can't stand it,” he said with his head in his hands. 

Allowing the acknowledgement of that fact was perhaps a mistake. Watching someone intently from afar forced one to observe their nuances on an unfound level of depth. Leo was no exception to this rule. He noticed Takumi's tough kindness, and how it made people gravitate to him so intently. Takumi was athletic but still keen, outspoken yet not one to talk without reason. Unlike Leo, he thrived in the heat and blinding light. It suited him well, turned him iridescent like the surface of a glimmering ocean. 

But it wasn't until yet another P.E lesson that Leo finally realised where this strange infatuation with his former friend had been derived from. He had finished changing early, walked out of the showers to see Takumi not yet clothed in a shirt. 

It wasn't until Takumi had said something that Leo had realised he was frozen still and staring,  _ again _ . 

“Hey, is there a problem?” Takumi asked him accusingly. 

“No. I'm just feeling unwell.” Leo shoved past him with a hand to his hot face and took his leave with unparalleled swiftness.

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

_ Wednesday 6 July 2011, _

_ I think I'm in love with Takumi. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \--  _ \-- -- -- -- 

 

Leo's feelings grew with him and he loathed it more than anything. He reassured himself knowing that this year of school was his last. Takumi and him would go their separate ways, and Leo would recall this only as a fleeting crush. 

_ Ten more months. Hang in there, _ he told himself, albeit very half-heartedly.

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

_ Tuesday 10 September 2013, _

_ It would have been easier to hate him. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- 

 

Xander worked late shifts. Camilla had left for university. Leo and Elise remained to fend for themselves. On nights where Father sobbed and thrashed under his alcohol-induced curse, they hid inside one of the bedrooms with snacks and books and loud music to drown out the strident noise. Leo usually turned the radio to whatever complimented their mood but still paid little mind to any of the songs, just appreciating how it cast a sugar-coated veil over the bitter reality they were in. He did sometimes tap his foot if the rhythm was particularly enticing, while Elise liked to hum as she doodled.

Sometimes, Leo wished he could shake Xander vigorously by his resilient shoulders and tell him that Father wouldn't just magically awaken one morning as his old self. He wanted to sneak over to Takumi's room over the slated roofs like he used to -- and this time even bring Elise with him. They could have laughed away their sorrows together, lived in transient bliss like an aristocrat’s sheltered child. If only Leo hadn't been so foolish as to let what he had with Takumi slip away until it reached a point of no return.

“Checkmate, again,” Leo chuckled. Elise responded with an indignant whine and kicked her feet.

“Talk about unfair; that only took two moves!” 

“I can teach you how to do it if you want.” At that, she smiled down from her perch in the clouds, luminous and carefree. Leo talked her through the technique, guiding her hands over the board with the essence and precision of a spirited cartographer. 

He hoped Elise never had to walk his path in fear of sucking away her lustre and innocence, leaving only ashes of cynicism in its wake. It was an entirely naïve manner of thought considering how unforgiving their family’s past and present had been. Leo had mastered the art of yearning for what he could never have, and the knowledge of that had only pained him further. 

As Father’s condition worsened, Elise started to spend time at Takumi and Sakura’s house instead. Leo passed his evenings alone, but it wasn't all bad. He was able to be productive and finish his work in that time. At least, that was what he told himself to feel better about it. 

Sometimes he'd look through the window and see Takumi smiling and laughing with his friends or Sakura and Elise when they played in the same room. Leo decided to start shutting his curtains despite it still being light outside, so as to not be distracted by the lukewarm view.

 

\-- -- -- -- --

 

_ Tuesday 29 April 2014, _

_ Even if it's supposedly spring, I feel cold, desolate. My family are rarely home anymore, and there's so little of Father left for him to even count. It’s hard to watch Camilla and Xander only pay attention to Elise even though  _ I'm  _ the one who has to manage my father’s inexistent temper the most these days. I don't blame them, but it hurts sometimes. _

_ I'm writing more than my usual brief accounts of a day that's less mundane than most, but I have to turn somewhere. Part of me wants to entirely give up, and the only thing truly sustaining me is my studies. If I focus hard enough and achieve some form of success, I'll finally have the means to run away perhaps. I wonder if anyone will notice. They wouldn't think too much of it; I do have a reputation for thriving under solitude. It's hard to determine how much truth that really holds however. _

_ There are a lot of things I'd like to leave behind. Namely, my still ongoing and unrequited feelings for a boy who supposedly despises my guts. I feel like a coward wanting to abandon things like this, so for now I'll continue as usual for my siblings’ sake. I'd hate to be another burden on their shoulders. _

__    - Leo _ _

 

 

_ \-- -- -- -- --  _

 

This particular night found Leo restless and lost in thought. He winced reaching for his bruised left cheek, wondering why his older siblings still saw hope in Father’s despondence and ruin. 

Leo felt suffocated here in his bedroom -- in his so-called home. He picked up his journal and a pen making for the roof. There was nothing out of the ordinary here at a first glance. Everything seemed at peace when the clouds parted to expose a dozen beaming stars, with the breeze choosing to be temperate and amiable in this elusive instance. 

And then Leo saw Takumi. He sat on the opposing roof hiding his face behind his knees. Suddenly -- but only for a moment -- the winds lurched in disarray. Leo froze, dropping his journal suprisedly. He felt his palms flood with sweat while his throat fell into drought. 

Takumi's head shot up with such force that Leo wondered if he'd experienced some form of whiplash. Strangely, he didn't seem angry, but rather at odds with what to do with himself. 

Eventually, Leo found it in himself to speak. “So what brings you here on this very fine evening?” He hadn't intended to express himself so morosely. 

“Explain,” Takumi started. He became defensive like usual once more. “Why of all people, I should tell  _ you _ , Leo?” 

Leo didn't know that a part of him was so poor in reasoning. Nor that this unfortunate side of his would drive him across the roof and make him sit beside Takumi instead of taking the boy’s vexation as a cue to leave.

“Touché,” he had said with a hint of defeat. Takumi blinked twice, clearly not expecting Leo to remain. “I just assumed on the grounds of your grim appearance, that your day was as unsavoury as mine.”

“And your argument?”

“We could share what bothers us. You know, as an ode to old times.” Leo only meant it as a small quip, but his remark was nonetheless taken seriously.

“You had five years to do that,” Takumi retorted accusingly. “ _ Five years  _ to try and regain what we had back then by simply confronting me. Instead, you decided to just give up and never speak with me again.”

“So did you.”

Leo looked properly at the boy beside him, seeing tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyes that were burdened by deep bags. Takumi was uncharacteristically silent, fiddling with the hems of his pyjama trousers like there was something immense weighing down his mind. Leo wanted to ask what it was, but held back knowing that he had no right. 

He startled when Takumi looked at him with such intent out of the blue, as if he'd noticed something at odds from the corner of his eye and spurred in curiosity.

“Your cheek...it's...what happened to it?” There was a hint of worry in his voice, the likes of which filled Leo with a false hope that he tried so clamorously to extinguish.

“Just as your problems aren't of my concern, this isn't any of yours.” Takumi closed in on himself hearing that, and a pregnant pause settled between them.

Takumi had spoken up eventually but with a small voice, clearly testing the waters. “What if we -- just for tonight -- set aside our past and reached some form of truce?” 

“I suppose that isn't a dreadful idea. Why?”

“Well in retrospect, I think a chance to get stuff off my chest would be nice. So I suppose your previous suggestion wasn't the worst, even if I had reacted so harshly to it.” Leo bit his lip, retracting the impulse to expose the sense of elation that he felt. Of all things, he never foresaw an opportunity to finally relive a glimpse of what it felt like to not be regarded with scorn by someone he held so close to his heart.

With time, they fell easily into conversation like nothing had changed between them. Takumi eventually spoke of his nightmares, turbulent with loss and agony. He spoke of his mother’s passing and how his dreams had become more vivid and unrelenting ever since. In turn, Leo explained the bruise on his cheek, how his only worry at the time was Elise being hurt in his stead. And how the lingering dull ache would never bear enough potency to make him feel any regret. 

“When Elise came over...you never joined her. That was because of me, wasn't it?” Leo hated it. The expression of guilt that Takumi wore -- it didn't belong there. “You could have stayed with us.”

“Don't berate yourself over it,” Leo insisted, but his words seemed to fly over Takumi’s head.

“How can I not? I’ve been absent all these years, and it's too late to redeem anything now.”

“Who...who said it's too late?” Leo wavered, tentative with anticipation and slight fear of how Takumi would respond. “This supposed ‘truce’ that we've come to doesn't need to be temporary, and I'm sure I have a fair amount of redeeming to do as well. I don't recall being present when you were grieving over your mother after all, so I'd say we're even here.” 

“But I --”

“We can work this out --” Leo turned to face Takumi. 

“Are you sure?” And Takumi turned to face him, sceptical. 

“I'm not  _ really  _ sure. Just a rare moment of optimism is all. There's no harm in trying I suppose.” He didn't know why he felt so bold in this moment, pouring all of his secrets to an old friend in a gushing stream of pent up resentment and hurt. Leo only held back his feelings but left the rest of himself under Takumi's discretion. Foolish, he knew, and he also knew that these rare occasions of spontaneous and impulse-driven thinking overruled any form of logic and self-restraint. Leo hated it, but also felt simultaneously invigorated by it. 

Takumi leaning forward and drawing closer made his heart somersault in his chest. Leo was positively breathless, free falling for eternity.

“Then…” He gasped at the sudden weight and warmth around him. It took a while to process the fact that he was in fact being hugged by  _ Takumi _ of all people. “It's good to have you back I guess.” He wrapped his arms around and rested his head against Takumi's shoulder. Leo felt everything in that moment. He felt his heaviness burst forth and suffocate him a final time. He felt the lightness that followed, making him ease further into their embrace on pure instinct. He felt the strong redness in his cheeks, relieved that the darkness overlayed it enough to obscure it from vision. 

“Well this is a first.” Leo didn't know what Takumi had been referring to until he let out a giant, convulsive sob into Takumi’s nightshirt. 

“Shut up, I can hear you crying too,” he grumbled, before pulling gently away. He saw Takumi wipe his eyes with one wrist and an estranged chuckle. 

Leo retracted both of his hands eventually, bringing them to his face, dragging them against his skin and eyes to dry them, and pulled his fringe back with a sigh before finally letting his arms relax again. 

“Of all the ways to spend a night, I didn't expect it to be this,” he laughed to himself, and then Takumi followed. 

“Hey shush, shush,” Takumi had told him when they had gotten too loud. “I don't think we want our families finding us out here raving like lunatics; we should probably get going…and you need to take care of your cheek too.” 

They went their separate ways after that, and for once everything was as ease. That was, until Leo had realised the next day that he'd left his journal on the roof and couldn't find it when he checked.

_ Oh gods. I'm officially a certified idiot. _

He meant to speak to Takumi at some point now that they'd technically managed to rekindle their friendship. But the knowledge that his dumb professions of love were in the possession of the sole focus of his affections was enough to deter him from even blinking within one mile of the boy. 

A few days later found Leo at Takumi's front door. He couldn't find him looking through the bedroom window, and by this point there was nothing better to do than come clean. Niles and Odin had urged him to do that at least. Leo gulped ringing the doorbell and came face-to-face with Ryoma, who looked a lot taller than when they'd last met.

“Takumi's in the treehouse. He's been sulking in there ever since Hinoka mentioned that she'd be taking it down.” If there was anything familiar about the man in front of him, it was the slight upturn of lips he had whenever he was amused. Leo released the breath he was holding and let himself inside, allowing Ryoma to lead him to the back garden. Despite Mikoto no longer being alive to take care of it, the flowers and grass were all well-kept exactly as he remembered. It was a warming sight that made Leo smile to himself and forget his nerves. Just for a moment.

Entering the treehouse only made him want to leave again. Leo conjured excuses in his head ( _ I feel sick; I should go home and rest,  _ was a popular one) and pretended like the pungent smell of old oak was the only thing pestering him _.  _

Takumi spoke first with a glance back at him. “I didn't know that you kept writing these,” he said softly, gesturing to the book in his hands that Leo undoubtedly recognised as his own journal.

“I didn't know that you still wore triangle-shaped scarves,” he rebuked as Takumi flustered, fidgeting with the blue scarf around his neck. Leo sat down next to him, cross-legged. “You probably know what's written in there by now. None of it is particularly eloquent, just awfully embarrassing so I'm sorry if I disappointed you.” He was sharp as he talked, all while sheepishly massaging his elbow and refusing to meet Takumi's unassuming gaze.

“Why apologise? It wasn't in my right to look through it, but I did.” Takumi was contrite, but not regretful -- and he didn't seem bothered by Leo's presence either. 

“Well then.” Leo inhaled. “I guess this is a more suitable time than any to address the elephant in the room, and admit that I have loved you for a while now, though sometimes I wish it weren't true.” 

Takumi started to inch closer until he was practically leaning over him and  _ gods help him _ because Leo could practically feel goosebumps forming from Takumi's breath on his skin. He couldn't stand Takumi bashfully licking his lips like that when the two of them were separated by only a few centimetres. But Leo had found that his desire to close the distance between them was far worse, and it had taken every inch of his willpower to quell.

“I uh…”

“Yes?” Leo prompted apprehensively in a low whisper.

“If I told you,” Takumi started again, leaning closer but with his eyes focused elsewhere. “That I've also loved you for a long time, would you still want that?”

“What?”

“You know -- for it not to be true.” 

“O-oh well obviously that would change things.”

“Y-yeah it would.” Takumi’s awkward stammer was the last thing Leo managed to process before he felt a pair of lips press gingerly against his own. He didn't move, clinging instead to every surge of electricity that brought his body to life. The feeling was addictive, infatuating enough to render him incapacitated in that moment until Takumi pulled away with his face bathed in scarlet. Embarrassed, he covered himself with his hands.

“Wow I can't --” Takumi said breathlessly into his palms. “I can't believe I just did that.” Leo pried one hand away with his own and in a moment of courage, he interlaced their fingers, marvelling at how gracefully they fit. 

“Neither can I,” he started with a certain timidness and uncertainty that drained from him by the second. “But could you be so daring as to try that again?” 

“I-if you say so. I suppose I could pull some strings for you.” 

“What strings?” Leo smirked.

“Oh, I see what you're doing.” Takumi leaned in but still had yet to close the distance. “Stop being so pedantic, then I'll kiss you.”

“Go on then.” 

“ _ Stop _ ,” Takumi laughed resting his forehead on Leo's. He kissed him again, and this time Leo was prepared to reciprocate. Their lips moved with a certain brashness characterised by years of unsated longing. Takumi's hands were first tied in Leo's, until he moved them to his hair and combed through it -- and then to his back to bring them closer. 

Sometimes they seperated for breaths, laughed, and then returned to one another. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary -- they've always gravitated towards each other like that. But Leo still wondered whether they had been brought together by fate, or rather a defiance of it instead. He didn't favour either reason, more grateful for a chance to experience Takumi like this beyond some daring dream. 

Leo parted his lips feeling the wet sensation of Takumi’s tongue against them. At this point, he was propped up against the planked wall with Takumi comfortably resting between his legs, arms around his hips. Leo kissed back open-mouthed and with contentment. The thrilling sensation had elicited a pleasured sigh that he'd felt embarrassed of at first, until Takumi had done the same thing. The low hum of Takumi's voice against him sent shivers down his spine and Leo had felt his fists curl further into the soft fabric of his friend’s shirt. Undoubtedly, Takumi would later scold him for the creases left by his impassioned grip. 

They eventually pulled away lips swollen and short of breath. Takumi's hair had been loosened to a point where his ponytail became slack, hanging low and free like the branches of a willow. Leo found his hairband on the floor next to him but paid it little mind being too engrossed in his own reverie of incredulity. 

Takumi was still near him hands laying restlessly in his lap. He drummed his fingers overwrought on adrenaline, somehow managing to sync the rhythm directly to Leo's roused heartbeat. 

“How long have we wanted to do this?” He had asked, no longer ridden with nerves. There was no reason feel like they were suspended over an edge; they had nothing left to hide. 

“I feel like dwelling on it will only frustrate us -- that's how long,” Leo responded, unwinding into Takumi’s arm as it settled around his upper back and shoulders. He liked how Takumi spoke even louder with his gestures -- always got a certain thrill from trying to decipher what they meant. 

“Oh gods, you're right.”

“I'm always right.”

“Don't push it,” Takumi jostled him, smirking. 

From then, Leo no longer felt the same dismal heaviness that had plagued him all these years. By no means would it be easy progressing into the future, but it wasn't hard to find it in him to be optimistic for once. 

Leo didn't dwell on the thought for too long, more enticed by how nice it felt for Takumi to rest his head in his lap. Everything else could wait if it meant he could spend just a little more time like this. 

**Author's Note:**

> (Also Christmas in 2006 was in fact on a Monday lol)
> 
> Thanks for reading! As always I really appreciate feedback so please feel free to comment/leave kudos! 
> 
> Twitter: @estaells  
> Tumblr: estaels
> 
> (I'm pretty active on twitter so feel free to hmu if you want to scream about fire emblem lol)


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